the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He passed out mid-signature
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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