so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
