So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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