Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
