I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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