Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
