She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
