My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
