pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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