Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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