We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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