Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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