So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
