hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
