Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
