coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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