If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have aggressive nipples.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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