I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
