Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
