What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
