why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
