Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
