i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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