got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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