i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
