Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
