obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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