I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
