One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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