just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
