what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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