Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
