I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
