The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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