his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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