I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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