There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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