you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
