I just threw up on my dentist
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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