my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
