There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
