Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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