Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
