He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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