I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
