he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
