is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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