I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
