she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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