ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
