I'm jealous of your bromance
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
