I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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