How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
