i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
