it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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