Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
