I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
