So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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