we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
