I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
