i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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