My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Your tits are I can't wait for
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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