the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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