Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
