god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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