I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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