I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
