my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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