and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
