it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
