New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Your cock deserves a montage
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
