Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What a dumb baby whore.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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