low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
