They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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