I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
