My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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