Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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